Monday, May 19, 2014

When I Say Honor, Respect and Integrity

We toss around a lot of words in the Leather community. Many people repeat the same words and phrases but what does that actually mean? What do honor, respect and integrity mean to me?

When I think of the words Honor, Respect and Integrity, many visions come to mind.  I envision a place where I hold myself to, not the standards set by others, but the beliefs I hold sacred within my mind, body and spirit. I show Honor by striving to live my  life gracefully and genuinely.  I show respect by striving to treat myself and others with kindness and gratitude and, by living with Integrity, I do those things because it is authentic to my true self, not because I am trying to be something I am not. To be whole and complete, to live with Honor and Integrity, I must hold myself to a standard that resonates with my authentic self. By living authentically, I show Respect to myself, my community and to those who walked this path before me. I am blessed with my brothers and sisters in leather who, by also living their lives with Integrity, support me as I support them in the journey of self discovery and awareness.

Heavy Hearted

It seems I must face some uncomfortable facts today, dear readers. More to come.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Defining Leather

I was asked recently to define how I define "Leather". This was the definition I came up with. How do you define your leather?

Leather is about freedom. Freedom to express oneself authentically and without judgment. Leather is about honor. Honoring oneself and others, keeping our history close to our hearts while we forge on and create new experiences and traditions for ourselves. Leather is about integrity. About holding on to your own beliefs and values no matter what storms you may weather. Leather is about respect. Respect for my community, myself and for the beliefs and traditions of others. Finally, Leather is about sex. Embracing one's sexuality and allowing ourselves to find the deep, raw, animal passion that we have learned to bury and deny. As a leather girl, I hold all of these things dear. I hold my community and my chosen family close, knowing that I have the freedom to be myself whatever self that may be. I hold pride in the leather I wear and in the Leather I am.

Friday, May 16, 2014

How Not To Behave When Meeting A Poly Man

So I've had something on my mind. I am in a poly relationship that is crossing the three year mark. In fact, I tend toward poly relationships. I love to have partners I know and trust and I love having a few who can fulfill my needs- even my friends with benefits tend to be long term and are very close. I love that my partners have other women and, generally, I love the bonding that I get with other women. I love knowing that my partners are happy and love the interaction that can only come from other women.

So, what is the dark side? Throughout my poly life, I have come across some women who- well, let's say they just don't play nice.

I have a woman who keeps tabs on me at parties, watching me and waiting for me to turn my back or leave the room so she can talk to or flirt with my Sir. Now, first, this is incredibly creepy and two, I'm poly for a reason. If you feel the need to sneak around, you're really not someone I want in my life.

Just recently, I attended an event and had an amazing time. I started to bond with a woman who bottomed for me in a class and played around a bit with my Sir and I. Well, my Sir and I ended up in a photo where the girl acted incredibly put off that we were taking a photo together and, after the picture was taken, physically pushed me out of the way to get a photo of just herself and my Sir. I do actually mean physically pushed- this is not an exaggeration. Now, ladies, I don't think I need to tell you how many things were wrong with this picture.

These are just a couple of the examples I deal with on a regular, and annoyingly frequent basis.

I've had good experiences too, of course. At the same event as the first example, there was a delightful girl who was sweet and respectful of my relationship. I got to play with her a bit but was also perfectly happy to entertain myself while she and my Sir had some fun in the room. I enjoyed having her around and would welcome the opportunity to spend time with her again.

So, what have we learned from this? I understand that it can be awkward to show your interest in a man when you aren't sure how the dynamic works. I understand that entering into an established relationship can be intimidating. I get it. The reality is that you probably aren't getting terribly far if you can't get along with other girls. He isn't going to fall head over heels and get rid of the women (yes, that's plural) who are already in his life to be monogamous with you. I promise. I understand that hormones and emotions can be overwhelming. I fell in love with him three years ago. I understand. Please understand that he has two women who love and serve him in a long term poly relationship and show the respect that is due that kind of service and devotion. Please be respectful of the relationship I have devoted the last three years of my life to. I have moved 560 miles from my home, found a place in a new community, and serve a man I am devoted to. You aren't going to get rid of me. I am a part of his life so please don't treat me like I'm just an obstacle in your way or just pretend I don't exist. If you aren't poly, please look elsewhere and if you are, be respectful- you just might find a new friend.

Oh Has It Been That Long?

Oh, dear friends and family I have been BUSY!! I've been to a fabulous event in Florida called Beyond Leather. My classes went fantastically and I couldn't be happier. I had a fantastic scene with a rope artist I admire very much, met some new friends and have been smiling for weeks! I can't wait to tell you more.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Rope Practice

Rope practice, one of my favorite monthly events, happened today. No matter what I feel like beforehand, it always enlivens my spirit. I love the energy and sharing that happens there. Each of us has something different to offer, a different view or bit of knowledge and at practice it is offered freely and eagerly. Each one of us has a unique style and approach to bondage and when those styles are brought together, the result is a lot of laughter and some amazing experience.

Every time, rope and amazing rope artists are the band-aid for my spirit.

Friday, July 5, 2013

This Is Me

I had the opportunity to work with an amazing presenter recently. I walked in to the room, armored and full of trepidation. Like a knight wading into war, I came prepared for a religious battle and I had on every piece of armor I could muster. As the weekend continued, I was put at ease by her open and genial nature. I explored the deepest, scariest parts of myself and discovered strengths and facets I didn't even know existed. I am grateful to this woman and treasure the experience. 

I am still processing but will elaborate later. This is my journey and I accept all of the pieces of myself. The good, the bad and the unknown.