So I've had something on my mind. I am in a poly relationship that is crossing the three year mark. In fact, I tend toward poly relationships. I love to have partners I know and trust and I love having a few who can fulfill my needs- even my friends with benefits tend to be long term and are very close. I love that my partners have other women and, generally, I love the bonding that I get with other women. I love knowing that my partners are happy and love the interaction that can only come from other women.
So, what is the dark side? Throughout my poly life, I have come across some women who- well, let's say they just don't play nice.
I have a woman who keeps tabs on me at parties, watching me and waiting for me to turn my back or leave the room so she can talk to or flirt with my Sir. Now, first, this is incredibly creepy and two, I'm poly for a reason. If you feel the need to sneak around, you're really not someone I want in my life.
Just recently, I attended an event and had an amazing time. I started to bond with a woman who bottomed for me in a class and played around a bit with my Sir and I. Well, my Sir and I ended up in a photo where the girl acted incredibly put off that we were taking a photo together and, after the picture was taken, physically pushed me out of the way to get a photo of just herself and my Sir. I do actually mean physically pushed- this is not an exaggeration. Now, ladies, I don't think I need to tell you how many things were wrong with this picture.
These are just a couple of the examples I deal with on a regular, and annoyingly frequent basis.
I've had good experiences too, of course. At the same event as the first example, there was a delightful girl who was sweet and respectful of my relationship. I got to play with her a bit but was also perfectly happy to entertain myself while she and my Sir had some fun in the room. I enjoyed having her around and would welcome the opportunity to spend time with her again.
So, what have we learned from this? I understand that it can be awkward to show your interest in a man when you aren't sure how the dynamic works. I understand that entering into an established relationship can be intimidating. I get it. The reality is that you probably aren't getting terribly far if you can't get along with other girls. He isn't going to fall head over heels and get rid of the women (yes, that's plural) who are already in his life to be monogamous with you. I promise. I understand that hormones and emotions can be overwhelming. I fell in love with him three years ago. I understand. Please understand that he has two women who love and serve him in a long term poly relationship and show the respect that is due that kind of service and devotion. Please be respectful of the relationship I have devoted the last three years of my life to. I have moved 560 miles from my home, found a place in a new community, and serve a man I am devoted to. You aren't going to get rid of me. I am a part of his life so please don't treat me like I'm just an obstacle in your way or just pretend I don't exist. If you aren't poly, please look elsewhere and if you are, be respectful- you just might find a new friend.